1) Because it’s linked to the Christian calendar (as it’s not about us mums at all, but rather the time when we should return to our ‘mother church’) it’s slap bang in the middle of Lent. Therefore, all chocolates come with a tinge of guilt. Just in case mums don’t have to feel guilty about enough already.
2) This year it also falls on the same day as the clocks adjusting to British Summer Time. So instead of being entitled to a lie-in, we’ll lose an hour in the night and any lazing in will just bring us up to even.
My hopes for any indulgence for this year are even lower. For one, Husband is away. Despite fraping his Facebook account and announcing his expensive intentions for Mother’s Day, he’s still not taken the hint and football comes first – again!
Secondly, Boo and my sister are going to see The Gruffalo in Norwich on Sunday morning. I promised I’d buy them lunch, so rather than a lie-in and breakfast in bed I shall be losing an hour’s sleep, getting up early and lunch will probably turn out to be a Maccy D’s at Boo’s request.
And thirdly, Eve completely ignored my birthday, Indy bought me a dress that wouldn’t fit my child-bearing hips, so I gave it to my sister. And not forgetting my ‘delightful’ glittery green plastic ring from Boo. So my expectations are low.
(Mind you, it won’t be as gloomy as the Mother’s Day when the twins were in the Brownies. We went along for their church parade and as part of their service sat through a talk on child prostitution in Thailand and how teaching the girls about Jesus meant they could be rescued!!! Cue an afternoon spent answering very difficult questions. Worst Mother’s Day ever.)
But, if my children do wish to surprise me, there’s STILL TIME to get me an amazing gift. (As my email is taking great delight in telling me today. Personal translation: ‘Look at what you could have. But they won’t get you any of this. Your family doesn’t care.’)
Here are my suggestions of some of the things my children could get me. (Here’s hoping they’re reading):
Jo Malone perfume – Nectarine and Orange Blossom, please.
So that something in the house doesn’t smell of poo.
A charm for my Pandora bracelet.
Subscription to the gym and approval from Husband to go at least 3 times a week.
Especially as Husband has made comments about me needing to lose weight, but gets huffy if he has to do the bedtime routine or ‘babysitting’ in any shape or form.
Alternatively, if I could just have my 17-year-old stomach back without the need for hard physical work and childcare arrangements, that would be even better. The one I didn’t appreciate at the time. I’d really appreciate it now.
Not necessarily to take care of my own mess (I’d feel too guilty and would do that for myself before she arrived) but to sort out the rest of it.
We may also need a skip.
At least 6-months’ worth of Sunday lie-in permission slips.
It’s not fair that Husband is the only one who ever gets to sleep in at the weekend. Somehow it’s never my turn.
Outrageously expensive face/eye cream from Creme de la Mer
To help with the frown lines that parenting has caused.
A day at a spa.
To re-align my muscles after too many nights wedged in with Noodles in his itty-bitty toddler bed.
Some cash to spend on myself.
For guilt-free shopping without thinking that actually, I should be spending it on the kids/the house/food/the bills.
More realistically, some tulips would be nice. They’re selling them for £1 a bunch on the stall outside Argos. Surely I’m worth £1 split between the four of them?
No matter where you are, if you’re a mum anywhere may you be loved and cherished this Sunday. If you’re not a mum, but have one, give her a hug if she’s in reach or a phonecall if she’s not.