I don’t have great taste in music. If I’m having something pumped into my head via my ears I don’t want complexity – just a catchy tune and easy lyric. Something I can pound along to jogging or prance about the kitchen to. Husband shudders at the choices on my iPod and phone, especially when Noodles chooses to play Will.i.am at full volume on a loop (I told you I had poor taste).
But if my conscious mind has bad taste, my sub-conscious mind is hideous. And there the songs are, when I need a tune the least, going over and over and over and over and…ARRRRRGHHHHH!!!
Last night, in the wee small hours of the morning, having settled Noodles back to sleep, my inner replay kicked in. With For the First Time in Forever from Frozen. Thanks, Boo.
For the first time? It was for the thousandth time before my mind switched off and I got back to sleep. Sodding Disney.
I suppose my only consolation is that at least in my head my inner voice is in tune. If I’d had Boo’s out-of-tune warblings resonating through my brain at night in the same way I have to endure during the day I think I would have been hammering at the door of the psych ward demanding a lobotomy.
Unfortunately the Gluestick family will at no point be giving the Von Trapps a run for their money at any time. Probably for the best as I’m not sure Husband would be willing to don lederhosen and I’d be useless at running up matching clothes from our curtains. But it means it’s particularly unfortunate that, thanks to Noodles and his technological adeptness, we’re all going around singing The Duck Song.
Trundling around Sainsbury’s sporadically singing ‘Got any grapes?’ is surely enough to get me labelled as one of the more ‘special’ residents of the town. And we do seem to be buying more lemonade than normal.
But the worst aspect is that it spreads through the house like an Australian bush fire, every ‘bah bah bah, bah-buh-de-bah’* setting the next person off in turn, just when you think you’ve got it under control. ‘And he waddled away (waddle waddle) til the very next day.’ The trouble is that the duck in our house only waddles around the corner only to infect the next person.
(*Because it’s not just the original Duck Song that Noodles insists on playing, but versions 2 and 3 too, jumping between them mid-song until we’re all ready to order mass crispy duck from the Chinese in the hope of wiping out the duck population.
I wonder if duck tastes nice with grapes?)
I would condemn the creators of the sodding Duck Song to an eternity of their own creation blasted at them in an inner circle of Hell. Except that their awfulness will only be replaced by something equally grating and infectious. Like KLF’s Justified and Ancient and Spitting Image’s Chicken Song. (What is it with my mind and poultry-based songs?!)
I’d stick my fingers in my ears and sing ‘la-la-la’…except I’d only segue into Kylie Minogue. I really can’t get you out of my head.
A warning: if you haven’t got a clue what I’m banging on about please don’t look it up. Not for any of them. There are some things Google should never be used for, medical diagnoses and infectious songs amongst them. I wouldn’t want to be responsible for the consequences.