Barbecue Like a Gluestick


Needless to say, it doesn’t look as it does in the picture, all shiny family fun amongst the chargrilled meats.

1) It’s sunny. Declare a barbecue.
Don’t expect whooping consent from the family – it might be misconstrued as consent to help later. Proceed anyway.

2) Check the weather report.
Oh, showers are predicted for early evening. Proceed anyway.

3) Buy your body weight in meat.
Plus various side accompaniments, sauces, bread products and greenery. Spend at least a third of the week’s shopping budget on this one meal. More if alcohol is required.

4) Get home and realise you’ve got no charcoal.
Return to shop.

5) Realise that the barbecue wasn’t probably cleaned properly when it was last used at the end of last summer.
Delay barbecue and get busy with the Marigolds.

6) Husband lights barbecue.
Ensure meat is already cooked in the oven so that the family aren’t about to be poisoned.

7) Whilst Husband plays with naked flame (not to be confused with playing with flame whilst naked) prepare various salads and side dishes.
Keep a close eye on the Halloumi cheese whilst helping Husband with the chicken in the oven. Turns out it burns really quickly. Definitely prioritise the cheese.

8) Food’s ready!
So, obviously, the Noodles and Grandy are napping, various other members are out.

9) Eat yourself silly.
Husband garners all the credit because he was in charge of the flame, even though 90% of the food prep went on in the kitchen.

10) Let someone else clear up.
Assume the barbecue won’t get cleaned, but still let someone else be in charge of not dealing with it.

Ah, what better way to spend a sunny afternoon?

PS It’s probably still better than letting two heads of state handle it.


6 thoughts on “Barbecue Like a Gluestick”

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