Stranger on the Train

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But be careful of offering your seat to a woman whose NOT pregnant, but possibly carrying a few too many pounds.

I need to lose my belly fat and get back my abs. I need to stop having awkward conversations with people on public transport.

Sometimes it’s better to just go along with the pregnancy assumption. But then I feel guilty that I’ve diddled someone out of their seat. At other times I’d rather just wear a t-shirt that reads ‘Food Baby. Don’t bother to stand.’ After all, the dress I’m wearing today should probably go straight in the bin.

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And at least then I wouldn’t have to spend all day breathing in and still get the bun-in-the-oven assumption.

And I wouldn’t have to have embarrassing moments with strangers called Alexander*.

*His actual name…because once you’ve caused someone to wish the ground would open up for a swift swallowing then you’re sort of obliged to to carry on the conversation to alleviate their crushing humiliation. Believe me, I was half-tempted to make up a due date then and their to relieve both of our pain. But I wasn’t quick enough. And ta-dah! Instant mortification!

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Perhaps I should just eat my way through all public transport journeys, preferably devouring shellfish and pâté and all those other banned foodstuffs, just to hammer the point home that I am JUST FAT.

Maybe I should be flattered that although past my baby days I look so fertile. Maybe I’ll miss it post-menopause when people offer me their seats out of sympathy for my age and decrepitude. I doubt it though. Believe me, I’d rather be left to stand.

Still, this was how I learnt about Alexander’s date at the weekend, how he assumed he was over the hill at 37 (oh, my heart bleeds) and how excited he is (awww). I also learnt that it turns out already knew his date’s AA sponsor and therapist – what a small world! I assume they won’t be going for drinks then.

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Maybe it would have been better if Alexander had just brazened it out like this.

But then I guess we all have baggage. Mine just comes in saddlebag form.

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10 thoughts on “Stranger on the Train”

  1. Oh, I love that shirt. How funny. Am sorry for your “food baby” awkwardness……if it makes you feel any better last night, I was looking forward to a little TV time with my husband last night and he said, “We’ll make a salsa baby tonight.” (Salsa my favourite viewing snack)…..I told him, “Oh how times change when you age…” I was quite excited at the thought of a salsa baby!

    1. Mmm. Making a salsa baby is surely just as much fun as making a real one and without the eternal responsibility for it.
      Actually, my line next time someone thinks I’m pregnant: ‘No, it’s a food baby, but don’t worry, at least I don’t have to pay for it to go through university.’ 😉
      They’ll still cringe, but hopefully they’ll laugh (whilst I’ll still want to cry).

  2. I’d much rather be offered a seat for looking preggers than old. Plus like you said, it also means you look young enough to still be having babies. Win win!

    1. Always. I thought he was drunk when he first got on tbh, but with his AA revelation I then realised it was likely to be withdrawal symptoms instead. :-/
      I swear I have a face that attracts them. I always get them on planes too. It must be something about confined spaces and travel.

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