The Tale of the Independence Day Mango

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Every week I have a Graze box delivered to my door. (It should be delivered through my door, but obviously, in line with everything else that doesn’t work properly in our house, the letterbox doesn’t let the letterbox-size box through…but it means I know who my postman is.) It’s like an exciting little surprise present of yumminess adding a frisson of joy to a Monday.

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Obviously though, because it costs me £3.89 a week, Husband disapproves. Yep, he has an issue with £3.89. This is the man who took himself to Brazil. Who will happily spend £100 on a t-shirt as long as it used to cost £160. But I’m wasting money spending it on healthy snacks.

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Evidence of my reckless spending.

Naturally I nod my head – yes, it’s disproportionately costly compared with buying bags of nuts and seeds from the supermarket – but I still disagree with him.

For one thing eating my less-than-£1-a-snack snacks is cheaper and healthier than the bars of Green & Blacks chocolate I’d otherwise be eating. I’d be spending money, but I’m also saving money. (Which is an argument you’d think he’d understand as it’s surely the same justification he uses for his obscenely expensive t-shirts. When it comes to berries it’s not the same though, however. Whatevs. He’s a hypocrite. Therefore I win.)

My other argument is that supermarket dried fruit and nuts are only value for money if you actually eat them. As evidenced by the full tin in the kitchen of healthy snacks bought by Husband and then abandoned.

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Although, possibly even more wasteful is the amount of fresh fruit that Husband buys that then sits and rots in the kitchen. And thus my argument for the delivery of my Graze boxes is brought to you through the medium of the Independence Day Mango.

Not that we mark Independence Day with the ritual purchase of a mango. But it was on 4th July that it appeared on the kitchen counter, emblazoned with a yellow discount sticker. Husband is a sucker for a discount sticker in the way some men can’t not grab a woman in a short tight dress. Ah, yes, in his mind he’s saving money. Even if it’s an item that we’ve never wanted or needed.

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Day 1. Friday 4th July. The Independence Day Mango enters our lives. Best before today.

I knew as soon as I saw it that the mango would NOT be eaten. I just wanted to see how long it would become my kitchen companion for. The coconut Husband purchased hung around for so long I was almost bereft when it finally moved on to the council compost heap.

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Day 2. Saturday 5th July.

The Independence Day Mango is now past his Best Before date. I commiserate with a glass of wine.

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Day 3. Sunday 6th July.

I watch the tennis before we enjoy a barbecue. Mango is not part of the barbecue menu. Instead he gets friendly with the beetroot.

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Day 4. Monday 7th July.

Often on a Monday I’ll cook a Thai-spiced chicken, mango and cashew nut salad. But the mango is looking a bit overripe yet it seems harsh to buy a new one whilst the old one is in residence. So I eat the beetroot in a salad with goats cheese instead.

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Day 5. Tuesday 8th July.

The mango looks in serious need of a cellulite treatment. I’d throw it out, but I want Husband to be the one to do it, so I leave it on the side, moving it onto a chopping board lest it should start to leak. Eew.

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Day 6. Wednesday 9th July.

Me: What exactly’s going on with the mango? Are you going to eat it or what? I definitely think it’s past its best.

Husband: Hmmm. You may be right.

Yet still the mango sits on the side.

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Day 7. Thursday 10th July.

I get home from work. Husband has been on strike – or it must be a blue moon – as he’s cooked. When I go into the kitchen I notice an absence. Where’s the mango? Surely Husband’s not eaten it? No. It’s IN THE BIN. Awww.

But worry not, Independence Day Mango. If I can use your existence as a demonstration to Husband on the reality of wasteage – you may have only cost 35p, but it was 35p that got thrown in the BIN – and why my Graze boxes aren’t an unjustifiable expense then your week-long presence in my kitchen has been worth it. Independence Day Mango, I thank you.

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16 thoughts on “The Tale of the Independence Day Mango”

  1. Ah Men! Very early on in our relationship, I asked my husband to put the bin out for the rubbish collection (as he was going out to work), he spent over 5 minutes telling me why he couldn’t put the bin out because it would make him late (I might add here, the driveway was about 25 metres long and it would have taken him about 30 seconds to actually do the job!).

  2. I leave for ten days and come back – – didn’t think I could laugh any harder at your blog, but it’s happened. This was a hilarious topic, a terrific use of photos and your wording takes the cake (how stale are cakes in your house?) Also, is it coincidence that he purchased a Mango = Man-go!? I think not. The one thing I am wondering is now that I’m fifty and “past my best” will my children stick me on a chopping board in case I leak? LOVE THIS POST!!

    1. MAN-GO!!! Oh, man(go), we need to collaborate on something. How could I fail to spot such a pun?! But I’m beyond happy that you were the one to pick up on it.
      I don’t think life’s chopping board is too bad a place to be. In his time there the mango got to hang out with a banana and a yellow pepper. It seems to be the fruit and veg equivalent of a care home.

  3. Another wonderful tale of watching a MAN GO wrong by our Gluestick Mum. Wonderful post. Only you would think to document a decaying mango and find a humourous way to share it! Well done…..again!

    1. Haha. I know how you feel there.
      The optimum eating point for an avocado – where it’s not too hard but not too mushy – does seem to be a window of opportunity about 30 seconds long. I love avocado, but I’ve got 2 sitting in my fridge at the moment that I think will be headed for the bin later today.

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