Tech, NO!!!

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In all honesty, if you’re reading these words it will be some sort of a miracle. Because today technology has been a big, fat meanie to me. Like some gruesome clique in the playground technology has got itself together and rounded on me, making me feel small, stupid and bullied and ready to run into a dark room and cry. But unlike in the playground there’s no dinner lady to turn to, just tech support, who rather than giving technology 5 minutes in the naughty corner instead joins in with the slang that I don’t understand and makes me feel even more stupid, whilst simultaneously failing to resolve my problem.

First up, the email at work has decided to stitch me up. I can send them, but my inbox has been resolutely empty. Not good. Microsoft helpfully informed me that it was a 0x8004060C error. Well, of course, Microsoft. Now you’ve said that, it’s all become clear. NOT! Because when I said ‘helpfully’ I was lying.

Lying in much the same way as all the solutions to Error 0x8004060C lied that it was a simple thing to clear – I just needed to make space. In the tangible world, that’s great. When it comes to the ether though, things are less simple. Microsoft and I seem to have very different ways of counting. For every 20 emails I deleted it would reduce the tally by 1. Where did the other 19 go? Did they scamper back into another box to continue to clog the system? And what’s the betting the 1 email of 20 that DID permanently delete will be the one I’m asked to access tomorrow?

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Massive headache induced and lunch foregone, I somehow got through to home time. Great!

I’d not had a chance to physically go shopping for the remainder of Boo’s school uniform for next week. But never mind – I could do it online and have the clothes delivered to the store for the next day. Isn’t online shopping great?

Well, no, actually. Store 1 would only give me an option of ordering to home…and couldn’t deliver for 2 weeks. (One year I’ll be a hyper-ready mum with new uniform sorted before school breaks up…but not this year.) After jumping through the hoops of setting a new password (EVERY. TIME. The only person being kept from accessing my online accounts, it seems, is ME) Store 2 teased me with the option to deliver to store for FREE…and then (and I swear it did this on purpose just to make blood vessels burst for kicks) refused to let me click in the Confirm button for the store I wanted. I ended up picking an inconvenient home delivery option AND paid extra for the non-privilege.

(I WAS going to insert an appropriate funny image here but, appropriately enough, I can’t get it to upload. But of course.)

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Even my beloved WordPress has joined the tech bullies today.

But I did at least get to vent my frustration as I was invited to give feedback. Whoever has the task of reading my thoughts tomorrow, it’s nothing personal, but I was apoplectic at the time. If it’s any consolation, spewing my frustrations did make me feel better. Temporarily.

‘Temporarily’ because I then decided that it would be a good idea to upload some photos from my camera phone. My camera phone that I have to carry around separately to my normal phone because my iPhone’s capacity is full to bursting and I don’t understand my iCloud and how it works.

I thought I was onto a winner. I had the right attachments to connect my camera phone onto the creaking, whirring, slow laptop that Indy donated to me, her creaking, whirring, slow mother. But a cable isn’t enough. I need an admin password AND the internet. I had neither.

We’ll draw that one as a blank too.

And then, the straw that broke the camel’s back, Noodles wanted to watch Despicable Me 2 on DVD. He’d watched it in Boo’s room the night before, but she needed to get ready for bed. I offered to put it on in my room. Even though I have to swap cables around (annoying enough) and Husband has managed to lose the remote (additional annoyance) even I can manage to stick a DVD on.

Except, no.

‘BAD DISC’ the DVD player informed me.

What??! It wasn’t a bad disc last night. How can it be a bad disc, just because I touched it?!?!

Still, it’s ok, because an insert in the DVD box stated that I could stream the film to computer, phone or tablet for free. Another round of password creation and according to Flixster I OWNEDDespicable Me 2. Except…I also owned the actual, physical DVD, but just like the actual, physical DVD, owning it wasn’t the same as BEING ABLE TO PLAY it. I could only access the trailer!!!

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But never mind, because instead Noodles just grabbed the tablet and started tapping away with a technological proficiency that has alluded his inept mum all day.

I’m not sure what the moral here is? Don’t mix a Gluestick with technology – it just gets sticky? Pre-schoolers make the best Tech Support, although you’ve still no chance of understanding them?

All I know is that if I could get this guy round, I’d probably feel a whole lot better:

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But so to bed. Consider me Unplugged.

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10 thoughts on “Tech, NO!!!”

  1. Oh my….that is quite the tale of technology woe there. Am sorry for so much frustration on your part and I’m right there with you in having to go to the younger generation to get anything done. Sometimes, I hate that even worse than not being able to connect. Do hate feeling so barmy! Hope things improve for you tomorrow….been missing you on here!

    1. I’m glad to be back. I thought the summer holidays were about relaxing and kicking back, but instead they’re about taking ever more stuff on so that other people can relax and kick back. After 8 1/2 hours at a computer logging on has failed me. As has inspiration. But I’ve hopefully got a Back to School vibe that should provide some incentive.
      Now just to catch up on everyone else’s shenanigans…unless the internet retaliates and switches me off completely.

  2. “Don’t mix a Gluestick with technology – it just gets sticky?” Brilliant! How did I miss this post? I think cuz the internet wouldn’t let me log on. Here’s my other fave line: “How can it be a bad disc, just because I touched it?!?!” Oh and . . . “(I WAS going to insert an appropriate funny image here but, appropriately enough, I can’t get it to upload. But of course.)” was a real winner. Isn’t it amazing that I can be so decisive as to pick my favorite sparkly gems out of a post that is all entirely pure gold?

    1. Oh, but you did it so much better than me with your poem tonight.
      What IS it with passwords and security checks? All I want to do is buy some clothes. I can’t help but suspect that Husband has been involved somewhere along the line to stop me from spending money.

      1. I think my password for all shopping-related activity will henceforth be: NoYouShantMakeMeStopSpendingMoneyOnlineWithDeviousPassw0rds. I’m sure I’ll remember it better than my current ones. Although it’ll be a bugger to type in each time. But no worse than constantly forgetting and having to re-set.

  3. Don’t even get me started on the computerized patient charts…. Since my practice has gone ‘paperless’ with electronic health records, I have only become more of a techno idiot than I realised…, frustrating doesn’t even begin to describe some of my techno-fail days!! Hope you and Techno will sign a peace treaty soon….

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