Reasons To Dislike Autumn

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There’s no denying it. Summer is over. Done. Dusted. The sun is low and the air is turning crisp. Which does have a certain allure. But chill will be the default setting for the next 6 months. And let’s just say, the cold really bothers me. Which is not good.

There are some good things about the cooler months – the ability to wear opaque tights, which both ladder less easily and hold the calf and thigh wobble better for a start. But there are many many other reasons to lament the arrival of shorter days. Which include:

• The Cocoon Warmth of a Duvet

I know, surely being wrapped in a snug duvet is one of the best things about the cooler months?! I agree – it’s bliss. But since we’ve not evolved into bears* we can’t stay huddled inside all winter. Yet there the duvet is, embracing us in its downy warmth, giving us no inclination to get out of bed. Which means just getting up is a chore, thus the duvet is turned into the enemy.

(*Btw, if there is such a thing as reincarnation, next time round I’d like to come back as a bear. Surely the best animal to be, ever. 1) You get to sleep all winter and wake up skinny. 2) You have a diet of salmon…and picnics. 3) Everyone expects you to have a raging temper. What’s not to like?!)

• Spiders

The eight-legged freaks are EVERYWHERE! Yesterday Boo ran to Husband to report a damn great spider in the kitchen only for him to then point out another just hanging out on the wall behind her! Cue much screaming.

Plus the one in the kitchen managed to avoid death-by-rolled-up-newspaper, so is probably summoning it’s own spider army to exact its revenge. Bastards.

• Daddy-Long-Legs

Yet more insect-based hideousness. And these ones will just fly into your face with their spindly legs flailing everywhere. The Kamikaze pilots of the bug world, probably deployed by the evil spiders.

• Discovering There’s a Hole in Your Boot.

Boots are an autumn bonus. Gorgeous, calf-covering leather. Crunching through piles of leaves in them momentarily turns life into a real-life TV ad…

…Until, that is, you discover a hole in one. Which happens only when a) it rains or b) you tread in a steaming dog turd hidden by the dry leaves you were crunching through. (True story.)

• The Search for New Boots and the Perfect Winter Coat

Too many choices. And the perfect option is always over budget. Buy cheap though and you risk the hole + dog poo situation. Buy expensive and you WILL be found out as the bags are too bulky to sneak into the house without detection.

• Transitional Dressing

In theory, autumn wardrobe updates are gorgeous. Knitwear, heavier fabrics accessorised with scarves, the ease of looking good just by having a gorgeous coat (if you do mange to find one).

But knitwear makes me itch. I’ve never really mastered the art of scarf-tying. And I always misjudge when I need to coat and when I don’t, thus always managing to be inappropriately dressed.

• Comfort Food

Yummy. You can’t beat some stodgy as the weather turns colder. Plus you can kid yourself that you’ve not laid down excess fat so much as overdosed on layering on clothes. (Just don’t go anywhere near the scales.)

But the real swine is potatoes, specifically having to peel them in abundance. Much as I love shepherd’s pie, or creamy mash or corned beef hash, I hate peeling potatoes. Boring, messy and I always manage to grate my knuckles.

• Don’t Mention the C-Word!

No sooner has the suntan lotion been cleared from the shops’ shelves than you spot the first sign of Christmas. The countdown is on. Which is annoying at first, because it’s only freakin’ September. Then you get complacent. Festive decorations take hold, but it starts to merge into the background since, hey, it’s been out since September and that was only a minute ago. And then the next thing it’s a week before Christmas, you’re low on money and can’t find the present you really need, which everyone else bought back in September!!! How did THAT happen?! By stealth, I tell you, which is why Christmas really shouldn’t start in the autumn.

And thus autumn is, without a shadow of a doubt, the worst season of all. At least Strictly Come Dancing is back. But until it signals the start of my personal hibernation I certainly shan’t fall for Fall.

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9 thoughts on “Reasons To Dislike Autumn”

  1. Hello there! You need to google Los Angeles weather (particularly Anaheim!) to see that we have been sweltering here! Since May, in fact. And we have such a drought that we are penalized for watering plants. People are rippping up their brown lawns and replacing it with wood chips. With no sign of a let-up. It’s gotten so bad that if you were my Facebook friend (and wanna be??) you would see that I have been posting snide massages about hating songs like “Here Comes the Sun” and “I’m Walking on Sunshine,” etc. Grrrrrrr. All I equate sun with is wrinkles and skin cancer. And body baring clothing that reminds me I’ll never be twenty something again (nor the other decades below the letter V in Roman Numerology.) When oh when can we have a roaring fireplace, drink hot cocoa, read romance novels, and see a matinee movie without feeling guilty that we should be OUT THERE enjoying our “beautiful weather.” Sorry. You’ve hit upon a sore subject for me. I have the opposite of SAD (where people need that artificial light to not feel depressed) I need cloud cover to feel alive! It’s invigorating for me and I feel energized. Summer depletes me, withers me, and melts my makeup. “I’m melt-innnnnnng! Oh what a world, what a world!!” PS. But I still love this post and will join you in Bear Reincarnation! Can I be Boo-Boo? I never liked Yogi’s voice all that much.

  2. As soon as bears develop opposable thumbs so they can use WordPress I’m letting all body hair grow and taking to a cave until spring! You are more than welcome to join me.
    Yes, melting make-up is never good. Our summers are never so scorching so the end of summer is also the loss of hope for warmth.
    What we need is a WordPress exchange programme so you can drink cocoa and I can learn that the grass is actually BROWNER on the other side of the fence.

    1. Thank you. Xx
      The more I think of it, bears ARE the animal to want to be. They get to wear fur without judgement and have the best hugs named after them. Yep, if I get to pick my next life I’m definitely going to be a bear!

  3. The other day my dinner entertainment was watching a spider and a daddy-long-legs grapple like greco-roman wrestlers. Twice the amount of flainling spindly legs flying towards your face is NEVER nice. Definitely reasons to hate autumn.
    In all fairness the concept of autumn is always better than reality. In your head the idea of a log fire is amazing, in reality it harbours those SPIDERS!

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