After having three girls having Noodles can be a journey into unchartered territory. He’s cute and funny and adorable (his excitement when an idea comes together is just too much: ‘…and it did came true!!!’)
I love the glint in his eye and how he literally throws himself at life.
I love his raucous laughter at a game of rough and tumble.
I love how loving he is.
But just what is it with boys and their willies?!?!
When I was pregnant it tickled me to think I was growing a little penis inside of me. And fountains of wee aside (and you soon learn to give it a minute before fully removing a nappy!) the whole issue of changing time is less complicated when there are no nooks and crannies to worry about.
But at the same time the willie befuddles me. Noodles has just discovered his. He’d rather go around bare-bottomed and when he is he’s always fiddling.
I really had no idea it could stretch so far!!!
And surely it’s an obsession that’s not going to away anytime soon.
At the school gates this morning I overheard the following conversation (and to be honest I was already reeling from hearing Alpha-boy, who was surely no older than 9, bragging about his Call of Duty expertise):
Small Boy: I’ve got to go into hospital. I’m having a week off school. Or maybe two weeks.
Alpha-boy: Wow! What? How? Are you ill?
Small Boy: Yeah. Sort of.
Alpha-boy: Is it to do with your bits?
Small Boy: Yeah.
Alpha-boy: Is it?! Really?!?!
Small Boy: Yeah. You know that bit that falls off when you’re three?* Well, mine didn’t, so I’ve got to have it cut off.
*There’s a bit that falls off when they’re three?!?! I didn’t know that!!! Oh my God!!!
Alpha-boy: You’ve got to have a bit cut off?!
Small Boy: Yeah, cod you know when you stretch it and then pull it back to the red bit, well mine doesn’t. So it’s got to be cut.
Alpha-boy (to a 3rd boy): Oi! Did you know he’s got to have a bit of his willie cut off?!
3rd Boy: Wow! No way! That’s going to hurt!
Small Boy: I’ll be asleep when they do it.
Alpha-boy: But what if you can feel it?
3rd Boy (to 4th Boy): Hey! Small Boy’s gotta have his willie cut off!!!
And then, thankfully, the caretaker came and unlocked the gates and I got to escape my jaw-dropping eavesdropping. Unfortunately for Small Boy I bet half the school (the male half) knew he was having his penis chopped off by morning break and they’d have shuddered at the thought.
But I really really wish Noodles didn’t have to grow up and lose the cute in favour of violent video games and a penis fascination.
Although with potty training on the horizon I think even if we’re a while off requests for an X-Box for Christmas, willie-fiddling is here! Oh boy!