Mind the Reality Gap

Oh, photos, how I love when you’re of someone else. But, oh, how I hate you when you’re of me.

Because, you see, in my head things are so very different to the reality.

Take, for example, a colleague’s wedding in the summer. In my head I looked like Emily Blunt at George Clooney’s wedding. (I swear she copied me!)

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But then the official photos came through on a Facebook link.

WHEN DID I GET SO FAT?!?!

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I’m not Emily Blunt. I’m Emily Blunt’s reflection in one of those ‘funny’ mirrors at the fair!

AND I was wearing Bridget Jones underwear!

And my God you don’t want to see the pictures of me dancing!!! (Or, rather, I don’t want you to see the pictures of me dancing.)

It’s clearly time to do something about it. My options are:

1) Chuck that dress out for a start!

2) Breathe in. Always. Exhaling’s a luxury I can do without, right?

3) Start dressing as an Egyptian mummy at all times (because not even Spanx can help me as much as I need it).

4) Stop standing next to skinny friends.

5) Do something about it.

6) Accept it, but ban all cameras.

I guess it looks like option 5, but options 1-4 may be implemented until something improves.

Now, all I need to do is find an exercise plan that doesn’t cost any money and I can do in my sleep (as that’s my free time) and an eating plan that doesn’t make me want to rip people’s heads off.

Or become best buddies with the world’s best corsetiere and ban all photography from the neck down.

Damn reality.

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11 thoughts on “Mind the Reality Gap”

  1. Consolation #1: You look HAPPY in your photo, and Emily Blunt does not. In general, she has one serious case of resting bitchy face. How could anyone be bitchy when married to Jim from The Office?

    Consolation #2: You’re gorgeous in your own right.

    But I get the thing about throwing out the dress. I have been known to disppose of clothes after seeing myself wearing them in a photo.

  2. So first of all – that navy/lace piece on your friend is particularly fetching. I don’t think I could stand next to her and look good. I was expecting you to look so much worse from your words, though! In the end I think we girls need to chill out a bit on the looks front. You should have heard my 3yo going on about being “pretty” yesterday. Scary stuff.

    1. I LOVED her dress so much too. But then she ALWAYS looks amazing. I swear she has more hours in her day than a normal person.
      It is scary how much emphasis is put on looks. It’s particularly annoyed me when Boo’s headteacher has commented on her being pretty rather than clever. It would be so much better to focus on the inside than on the outside. Imagine the energy we’d save.

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