Boo has, sensibly, had her Christmas list in place for weeks. With illustrations, for accuracy purposes. And each item assigned to various people, to avoid duplication and disappointment and to assure accountability in the event of duplication and disappointment.
I, however, have been nowhere near as organised. Teflon Man has been asking what I might like, so I’d better prepare a response. Particularly as, when I asked how much he wanted to spend his answer was ‘as little as possible.’
Still, we can all dream that actually Santa (if not the husband) will realise that I’ve been a mostly good girl this year (ok, there was that drunken night out for my friend’s birthday, but I also managed to bite my tongue and not tell my boss what I thought of him to his face) and I might get something I actually want. In which case any of the following would be appreciated:
Large Olivia Burton watch
So I can watch time getting away from me in style.
Ticket to V&A’s Wedding Dress Exhibition
So I can consider what I would have worn if only George Clooney had asked me to marry him rather than Amal.
Pandora Essence charms
Seeing as how I had to buy my own sodding bracelet as he failed to pick up on my hint.
Jo Malone Fragrance
And maybe some gorgeous, outrageously priced, candles to dot around the house, so that even when things look nasty they can still at least smell nice.
Now, I have recently bought myself a second-hand bike – an old, retro shopper. It’s scratched to bits and massively heavy to ride…but it’s beautiful. Still, even more beautiful would be a brand new Pashley. I’d be out on the street with all the kids who’d also got new bikes for Christmas. Only they’d probably be more competent.
Cath Kidston Backpack
Since I’m not likely to get the bike of my dreams in a million years, a bag that I can transport without throwing me off balance would be handy whilst I battle to heave my carcass along. Backpacks in general aren’t pretty, but this one is. I want it!
Kitchen Aid Mixer
I wouldn’t normally advocate the purchase of a domestic appliance as a suitable gift. However, this time last year we were about to have our kitchen replastered and I envisaged by now having a beautiful kitchen, the cherry on the cake being a Kitchen Aid mixer sat in pride of place on the gleaming work surface.
And then Teflon Man’s friend, who was doing the plastering stopped halfway through the job and claimed he couldn’t finish it. And then the roof leaked and 14 different roofers have failed to come and repair it, so the new plasterwork that did get done is mouldy and every time it rains we fear the ceiling is going to cave in. So the kitchen is a mess. But couldn’t I at least have my cherry?
A Day at a Spa
Because the stress of a potential kitchen ceiling cave-in, on top normal stresses, is causing me wrinkles and muscular knots. Put me in a steam room and have someone knead my aching flesh and I will, at least temporarily, feel much much better.
Laser Eye Surgery
An unusual gift, but it would be such a joy to wake up and not have to play hunt-the-glasses-when-you-can’t-see or to have to fart around with contacts. To have an extra 10 minutes in bed as a result would be a gift worth more than money could buy!
Although, I would then have 20:20 vision to see the mould in the kitchen…and associated wrinkles. Maybe blurry vision is best after all.
Noodles starts nursery school in January meaning I will actually have time to myself each week that doesn’t involve toddler-wrangling/work. So, I intend to join a gym to shift all the extra weight he’s caused me to put on. It’d be nice if someone else was paying for it though. I want to lose lbs, not £££s.
So, there you are – my Christmas list. My betting is I get…none of it! Instead it will be tickets to something that Teflon Man wants to see more than I do. Still, at least it won’t be a fish tank or a green plastic ring, as we’ve already been there, got that. Ah, but it will be interesting to see what’s actually at the bottom of a scraped barrel.
In the meantime, I’ve started to put our decorations up in the living room. #SoExcited.