If You Can’t Stand the Cold Get Out of the Kitchen

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I think I must be the anti-Elsa. Because the cold really really bothers me.

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Which is very definitely NOT GOOD at this time of year because it’s cold ALL of the time. Cycling to work, waiting at the school gates and particularly AT HOME.

Draft-friendly doors, crumbling window frames and a lack of heating (central or otherwise); it’s bad. The fact that everyone seems to have been born in a barn and thus incapable of CLOSING THE SODDING LIVING ROOM DOOR really doesn’t help matters. (The living room being one room that is heated and thus of imperative need to stay as toastie as possible.)

You’d think having your blood boil in rage would be warming, but apparently not. Instead it’s just hard to tell whether I’m trembling with fury or shivering with cold.

Boo’s bedroom the other night was a goosebump-inducing 13’c. Thank god for duvets and body heat. Getting up in the morning though is a battle of epic proportions. As if getting up when it’s still dark isn’t hard enough.

And as for showering…don’t even go there.* The bonus is that you don’t smell so bad when all sweat has retreated to your very core in a bid to regulate your body temperature.

(*Obviously, I do go there – I have to share the world with people with olfactory functions after all. Just so you don’t get the wrong idea about me. But it’s not fun.)

But my very most hated place to be at the moment is the kitchen! Even with gas burners roaring I’m still chilled to the bone. Surely that’s not right? The plug-in electric heater has given up the ghost after all of three weeks and, as we’ve got contractors in fixing the roof , the patio doors are left ajar whilst they’re here. The walls seem to absorb the chill like an 80s supermodel faced with a line of coke and a rolled up bank note.

2015/01/img_2565.jpg15′ in the kitchen…and that’s with cooking going on!

It comes to a point where you can be boiling the kettle and feel tempted just to pour the scalding water over yourself in the hope of warming yourself. (Although, not really, obviously – more like when you’re at the top of tower or on the edge of a cliff and feel compelled to jump. Please say that that’s not just me!)

I’ve been trying to wrack my brain for a single positive reason for living in the domestic equivalent of an ice hotel:

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That I can justify the copious consumption of warming cocoa (although I’m struggling more to justify the lashings of squirty cream added to the top)?

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That I can positively look forward to work, where my little office is heated to sauna standards? Ahhhh, bliss!

That my seasonal (ok, perpetual, we’ve all seen the photos) layer of blubber now has a reason for its existence? Imagine how much colder I’d be if I was skinny!

Maybe I should just take the my lead from an ice hotel, actually, and justify a dependence on VODKA on my only-14-degrees-away-from-sub-zero house? Although that surely suggests how bleak it is when alcoholism is the positive spin!

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At least if I was drunkenly comatose I wouldn’t care about the living room door being left open all of the time.

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22 thoughts on “If You Can’t Stand the Cold Get Out of the Kitchen”

  1. You poor thing! I don’t like the cold either – the first house I lived in had no heat of any kind and I absolutely DREADED winters!

    A FREEZING tub is quite possibly one of the worst things on earth- I’ve tons of keep-warm secrets, that Ive learned but you probably know more than me πŸ™‚ ….try to stay warm, wear fluffly sox and drink lots of hot tea πŸ™‚ β™‘β™‘

    1. I really do hate it. I feel an urge to go out and buy an abundance of (fake) furry soft furnishings and thermals…and to get an automatic close function on the living room door.
      Roll on the spring!

      1. β™‘Springβ™‘ …I’d invite you to shop my closet for all things fluffly,pink and warm, but your ticket might cost all your savings hehe…plus I am ridiculously short πŸ˜€ …but have you ever tried heating rice?

  2. Okay, my jaw was dropping the whole time I was reading this. Our house is always cold in the winter (being old and horridly drafty) but not THAT cold. We have central heating; it’s just inadequate for our poor insulation. Not to mention the fact that you CYCLE to work in the WINTER? I think you are the bravest mom I’ve ever known.

    1. I know there are places far far colder than here (I went to Prague once when it was -20C – I wasn’t happy!). But I’m just so bad with the cold. Thermals are my BFF right now.

  3. But, being positive, you are here!!! Did the internet disaster not materialise?
    Having been raised in the Siberian wastes of East Anglia I can do cold but one consolation (and probably the only one weather-wise) of being in the West is that we don’t have the biting easterly winds! I am worried I may get soft!

    1. Lol. Those biting Siberian winds are just the pits. You have to put up with hills now though. Anywhere with a bit of an incline and I’m done for.
      The internet disaster has (hopefully) been averted. AOL assured Teflon Man that we wouldn’t lose service. Famous last words!

      1. The hills are a real issue (especially with my knees!), although shopping in Norwich always involved an incline or two! My walking has been seriously curtailed unlesss it’s on a beach. I have taken up swimming instead – not in the sea I hasten to add!
        Hope you continue to avoid internet meltdown x

  4. Wow. I feel properly guilty now for admitting I left San Diego for a month because it was too warm and there was no “winter experience” to be had there. But guilt and all (and I’m sure it was unintentional….yes???)- – I’m sure glad you never really disappeared from the blogosphere. Now here I go with a big friendship sacrifice…..warm HUGS coming your way!
    Steph

    1. Yay! WARM hugs!!! From you especially that means a lot.
      (And I’d be all up for the winter experience if we had a cosy home. It’s when I’m sat shivering inside that I really dislike it.
      PS the guilt was never intentional.

  5. I love my cold room. Our bedroom gets hot (and not because of what your thinking… ) We’re directly over the furnace. Poor Liam’s room is cold, but he’s very hot natured like me, so he doesn’t mind it, in his toasty fleece jammers. πŸ™‚ I hope the contractors get done soon, and those walls stop being cold junkies! Praying for warmth for you!!!

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