Two Pieces?

Dear Mr Wonka

I’ve had a bar of your delicious Millionaire’s Shortbread chocolate sat on my dressing table since the weekend, ready to use as a prop for Boo’s World Book Day Veruca Salt costume. As it turns out, Boo didn’t need a World Book Day costume as her spoilsport school decided they didn’t need the kids to dress up (seemingly the only school in town to make such a dull-arse decision for all the Red Riding Hoods and Elsas walking to the other schools this morning). But anyway, that bar’s sat there since Saturday.

My God, it’s been a challenge not to eat it!

Whilst I was just looking at it though (wondering how to make a golden ticket at the 11th hour if necessary…ok, wondering if I could eat it and replace it if necessary) the following struck me as weird:


111 calories per 2 pieces.

Who on Earth on eats just two pieces of a chocolate bar?!

There are in fact TEN squares to a Wonka bar. Why the song and dance? (Well, apart from you are very good at singing and dancing – the West End show was enthralling!) Why not just admit that there’s a whopping great 555 calories in a Wonka bar?

Whose deluding themselves with the 2 pieces suggestion and the note on the back that the packet is resealable? We all know that once that wrapper’s open the bar’s as good as gone.

Apparently (according to the Mail Online – and we know how I feel about them!) your target market is ‘women in their 30s and 40s.’ We know better than to leave an open chocolate bar lying around. Eat it like a female Augustus Gloop or discover some other bastard’s eaten it.

Ah, bless ’em. The Daily Mail got their knickers in a twist over this too.

We’re also more likely to look at that little calorie indicator than your average child/male/still naturally skinny twenty-something. But we’re also not stupid.

So fess up that your chocolate’s the calorie-equivalent of a meal. Chances are we’ll just skip lunch and eat the chocolate anyway.




8 thoughts on “Two Pieces?”

  1. How funny you posted this! Just yesterday, I was noticing this very same marketing technique when I was shopping…..I even thought to myself, who would eat just 2 little pieces of this (can’t remember exactly what it was I was looking at)? Why wouldn’t they just put the whole amount on there instead? Yep, it seems the marketers are still counting on either a dumbed down public or one too busy to notice! Most annoying. And again, I have to say, whoever said those maths were unimportant? Not only do you need them to get out of bed in the morning, but apparently also just to know your intake for the day since they don’t give it to us straight!

    P.S. There is something just so fine about a post with Wonka bar pictures throughout! 🙂

  2. Yes! And here’s another thing about chocolate bars: What about those tiny, baby-sized ones in a bag, which are labelled “Fun Size”?
    There’s nothing fun about a perfectly delicious piece of chocolate that has been reduced to the size of my thumb. That’s just sad.

      1. Chocolate is only ‘Fun size’ in my world if it’s bigger than my head.
        The only good thing about miniature chocolate bars is that you can feel like a giant. But, yeah, by and large I’d rather have giant chocolate.

  3. Ha!! Another genius post that also happens to be richly delicious. I fully expect Mr Wonka’s response coming up. While we are on this subject….. What’s your preference…. Milk, Semi-sweet or Dark? Once again, loved the concept AND the execution of this one… Plus there was a “whilst!”

  4. The False Prophet is a big fan of chocolate, too. One of his favourite songs is Chocolate Jesus (Tom Waits). I’ll eat the whole bar and my meal (probably consisting of more chocolate). Keep on blogging in a free world and have a prophet-able day – The False Prophet

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