Dear Mr Wonka
I’ve had a bar of your delicious Millionaire’s Shortbread chocolate sat on my dressing table since the weekend, ready to use as a prop for Boo’s World Book Day Veruca Salt costume. As it turns out, Boo didn’t need a World Book Day costume as her spoilsport school decided they didn’t need the kids to dress up (seemingly the only school in town to make such a dull-arse decision for all the Red Riding Hoods and Elsas walking to the other schools this morning). But anyway, that bar’s sat there since Saturday.
My God, it’s been a challenge not to eat it!
Whilst I was just looking at it though (wondering how to make a golden ticket at the 11th hour if necessary…ok, wondering if I could eat it and replace it if necessary) the following struck me as weird:
111 calories per 2 pieces.
Who on Earth on eats just two pieces of a chocolate bar?!
There are in fact TEN squares to a Wonka bar. Why the song and dance? (Well, apart from you are very good at singing and dancing – the West End show was enthralling!) Why not just admit that there’s a whopping great 555 calories in a Wonka bar?
Whose deluding themselves with the 2 pieces suggestion and the note on the back that the packet is resealable? We all know that once that wrapper’s open the bar’s as good as gone.
Apparently (according to the Mail Online – and we know how I feel about them!) your target market is ‘women in their 30s and 40s.’ We know better than to leave an open chocolate bar lying around. Eat it like a female Augustus Gloop or discover some other bastard’s eaten it.
We’re also more likely to look at that little calorie indicator than your average child/male/still naturally skinny twenty-something. But we’re also not stupid.
So fess up that your chocolate’s the calorie-equivalent of a meal. Chances are we’ll just skip lunch and eat the chocolate anyway.