The virus that I’ve been trying suppress since Christmas has come and bitten me on the arse. Yesterday I found myself shivering in the chemists, picking up a prescription for Noodles’ conjunctivitis, wondering how I was going to summon the energy to make it home.
My body then struggled to make it upstairs to bed, waged war on my spirit by having various parts ache at different times like a mean-spirited version of whack-a-mole and generally gave up. Waking up in the dress you wore to work the day before: not classy.
The annoying thing in terms of garnering sympathy is that I haven’t had the virus accompanied by a snotty nose and coughing (unlike Noodles whose face has oozed from virtually every orifice over the past three days). Obviously that’s a bonus for me, but like I say, sympathy is lacking.
However, there are other, more random but highly visible ways to determine that I’m suffering. So, if the following points are noted by any family members, for the love of God, could you please shut the door and get me that promised cocoa.
1) My world has been tipped up by 45-90 degrees. I can’t raise my head. Please don’t expect me to. Luckily today was a day off, otherwise that would have been weird.
2) I did have a #2 that was linked not not being able to endure the verticle, but I can’t remember what it was. Let’s say my brain isn’t working properly.
3) Not only was I not dressed until 1.30, but Noodles is still in the same top that he’s been wearing since Tuesday. And without any trousers.
He’s also playing with my bank card because I couldn’t be bothered to take it off him. Mercifully it’s still in one piece.
4) His eye drops are still also in the bag from the chemist, despite the trip to get them nearly killing me. I just don’t have the fight to pin him down four times a day to administer the drops. Needless to say, nobody else has bothered either.
5) Why bother looking for matching socks when there are so many odd pairs available?
Let’s just say that putting them on was NOT FUN.
6) Hair tufts
Needless to say, if holding my head up vertically is a challenge too far, then showering is a move beyond my imagination. Sticky-up baby hair at the temples is a look that’s never going to feature on Pinterest.
7) Shop-bought birthday cake.
Regular readers will know that I will move mountains to hand-make a birthday cake (and here seeing as how no one was reading my blog back then). Not only not buying one, but sending Eve out with my bank card to buy one, things are clearly not right.
I would also say the fact that the living room looks like the site or the apocalypse, but it’s not that rare to be honest.