‘Would you be a Boggle or a Twiggle?’ I ask Boo as we make our way through the woods.
‘A Boggle,’ she resolutely replies.
I can’t blame her. The Twiggles live high above the trees in cute little houses. The Boggles instead live in the swampy marsh, their houses elevated out of the stinking mud.
There’s just one problem with my little Twiggle – it’s not much good clambering amongst the treetops when you’ve not got a head for heights. It’s especially hard when you’ve got a little brother not bothered by vertiginous drops whose already off at a scamper.
Boo grimaces her way around the Sky Maze.
It’s especially unfortunate for the mum involved (guess who!) whose paid a not inconsiderable amount of money to fly solo in the parenting stakes only to have to marshal said trembly-leg Twiggle through the aerial obstacles whilst wrangling the smallest to a more manageable scramble…whilst feeling a bit jelly-legged herself.
We’d gone to Bewilderwood for the day, a ‘curious treehouse adventure.’ A theme park in the woods and marshes with zip wires and slides rather than roller coasters and rides. I thought it’d be good to get out for the day and get some fresh air.
I should have realised my error sooner. Probably around the point Boo announced she felt queasy in the car…whilst we were at a standstill in traffic. Why hadn’t I made sure I’d put the spew bucket in the back? Suffice to say an old Costa takeaway cup didn’t cut it. Trying to wipe gelatinous bodily fluid from a seatbelt with a baby wipe whilst the damn thing keeps reeling in isn’t the most fun to be had either. And exactly how many vomit-related incidents does it take before the gag reflex stops kicking in?
But I’d pre-booked the tickets and we were damn well going to enjoy ourselves.
What ‘enjoyment’ looks like when you’re part of the Gluestick brood.
I may have used the phrase ‘suck it up’ whilst Boo whined about being on a rope bridge 20 foot in the air as Noodles galloped ahead.
I also watched my can of Coke turn into a river as Noodles knocked it off the picnic bench and my sandwich disappear as Noodles decided he preferred my lunch to his.
I watched both of them turn mute after we’d queued to meet the Easter Bunny. I was the only parent to bunny hop through the tunnel whilst my kids walked. And then they got the chocolate eggs.
I watched a rash develop on Noodles’ face over the course of the afternoon. I’m still not sure if it was a reaction to a) the woods, b) being on a day out (Boo also similarly developed a rash on a trip to London Zoo that resulted in a trip to A&E on her return) or c) a rare brush with British sun.
At four o’clock we found our mojo though.
Boo had plucked up the courage to go on the zip wire…and loved it!
‘Just pretend you’re flying!’
Sadly, as solo parent I didn’t get to have a go myself. (Although that was probably a blessing for the equipment, to be honest.)
Noodles found similar joy in the toddler zip though. Back and forth, back and forth, back and forth. Luckily by now the park was emptying so we could hog them.
It was a shame then that the park was due tomorrow close at five.
Boo wanted to go in the maze. Time was getting tight as seeing as I can get lost in a supermarket car park it didn’t seem like the best idea so close to closing. Noodles wanted a present from the gift shop, specifying that he wanted something ‘red’. Bewilderwood colours are pretty much pink, green and purple. There wasn’t much ‘red’ to choose from.
I think ‘Red’ the strangling punk monkey may crop up in my nightmares. Not that he’d rock up in Noodles’. He fell asleep in the car on the way home so didn’t get to sleep until 2.30am!!!
But for all the tears and traumas – despite the fact I’ve ached like crazy today – the conclusion was that we all had a great day. Boo has spent the evening tonight begging to go back. Absolutely we will. But I’m taking another adult – preferably one with a head for heights and a bottom for squeezing through tunnels – with me.