Ever watch a TV ad an go, ‘Eh, what now?’ Only ALL THE TIME, right? Whilst planning a post on how many completely non-related products can hop on the World Cup bandwagon (Listerine, I’m looking at you) an advert for Dove’s Invisible Dry deodorant made me sit up and frown.
There on the screen was a woman twirling around in red, holding red dresses up in front of her, red hair and red lips glistening under the lights. Guess Scarlet’s* favourite colour.
(*May not be the name they used, but probably)
Scarlet: I love red and now I don’t have to worry about deodorant marks on my favourite clothes.**
Voiceover: Dove Invisible Dry will protect one hundred colours from dry white marks.**
(**Or something like that.)
More like Dove will cause insomnia and deep frown lines as I’m not convinced that there actually are 100 colours.
Dove, I challenge you to name them.
Ok, it’d be freaky if Dove sent a colour expert to my house to list them, but surely via the medium of Google there’ll be a list? Because an advert wouldn’t possibly lie about something like that. Right?
Besides, I’m especially dubious as Scarlet likes red, which seemed to be a fairly broad spectrum in itself. Can Dove really come up with another 99 colours like that? Or does Scarlet actually like crimson and burgundy, magenta and…errr…scarlet? Her favourite colours, plural, not colour, singular, if they’ve truly got 100 colours up their sleeve.
Dove actually remained quite tight-lipped on the specifics of their one hundred colours. ‘From black to white and all colours in between’ was as far as I got. Lots of other waffly guff, but not a lot of actual clarification of their colour range. What if you have a buff blouse that’s not on their colour chart? Would you be risking deodorant disaster?
Clearly I’m going to have to compile my own list.
I know. I’m sad like that.
Lets start with Dove’s own colour range:
Well, it’s a start. 98 to go.
The rainbow covers a fairly broad spectrum:
We’ve not even hit 10 and have gone through the spectrum.
But they’re primary and secondary colours, right? I’m sure Blue’s Clue’s had a song about tertiary colours! (Never let it be said I’m not educated. Even if it is by the medium of kids’ TV.)
I had to venture further into Google however to find out what they are. I found out that there are different types of tertiary colour. (I won’t bore you with it – you can look it up yourself if you so desire, or maybe you know all this already and I just went to a failing school.) But, even discounting things like red + orange = red-orange (come on, that’s got to be seen as an early cop-out. It can only lead to things like red-red-orange, which surely are only padding. I want names, damn it) the multiple systems provide a greater yield. Even if I suspect they may just be using different words to explain the same thing.
19. Spring green
Hang on a minute. Before we go into realms of Is That a Colour Really or Just a Foodstuff? there are surely some basic toddler-friendly colours that haven’t been included:
20. Pink (How could I forget pink?! Has it not been demonised enough?)
Do metallics count? Best say they do.
Ok, we’re 1/4 of the way there. Just another 75 to go! Time to call in the quaternary and quinary colours! Thanks, Google!
Or are they more tertiary colours? I’m getting confused!
Blue-grey? Grey-brown? Don’t these colours get a name if their own? Lazy!
And it’s still not enough by a long shot. Besides, I can do better than grey-brown, although God knows where these fit in on the colour wheel:
See, I told you I’d get to a point where it was just food.
Is Greige a colour? Or is it the Brangelina of the colour world? I’m desperate though. I’ll take it.
And…? I’m still 44 colours away and I feel like I’m barrel-scraping, to be honest. Is Barbie Pink a recognisable colour? I feel like we’re either going to be going down paint chart territory (I’ve not seen Elephant’s Breath suggested anywhere outside of a Farrow & Ball paint chart though) or we’re looking at shades rather than actual colours. Surely Slate grey, for example, is still just grey? (Oh no! Now I’m going to start wondering what the other 49 are! I’m never going to sleep again!) What’s the difference between a colour and a shade anyway? I’m sure it’s significant, and Dove definitely said colours.
I start looking at Pantone charts – surely the definitive purveyors of colour. But now my eyes are starting to go funny and my head is starting to spin.
That’s a lot more than 100 colours! Even if they have unromantic names like Pantone 1935 C.
I can only suppose that Dove have decided that 100 is a nice round number after a colour brainstorming session around a table. They don’t seem to be concerned about the specifics of their colour choices (should we be worried that their deodorant remains invisible on 1925 C, but not 1945 C?). And isn’t the fabric as significant a factor as the colour?
Should I just put it down to advertising nonsense? After all, these are companies who label their deodorants as 48hr and body creams as 7-day, but then in the small-print state that this only works if you apply them daily. i.e. It’s all a load of bollocks.
The only thing I’ve come out of this knowing is that I desperately want to buy the kids’ book Pantone Colours.
How cool is that?
I’ll report back if it turns out the book contains 100 colour suggestions. Then we’ll know where Dove got its inspiration.