Dream House #6: The One That Sold Itself

‘You know, we’ll miss you when you’re gone.’

NOT great words to here when you turn up for work. I mean, seriously, WHAAAAAT?!?!

‘Oh no. I mean when you move. You’re not being fired. I’ve said too much. You heard nothing.’

No, colleague, my dear. You – and everyone else – have clearly NOT SAID ENOUGH, because it seems that although I’m the ONE person in the office this is happening to I’m THE LAST TO KNOW!!!

Apparently our section (which consists of me, some new bloke who starts on Monday and whose name I can’t pronounce, and somebody they’ve yet to appoint) is moving around the corner…which is pretty damn spooky as some weeks ago – before the big big boss came rolling into town, changing everything – I had a dream that we would move to the street around the corner! Now all I need is Phil and Kirstie from Location Location Location to drive me round the market square and my dreams will have literally come true!!!


Still, having that feeling that everyone is talking behind your back isn’t the best motivation for getting stuff done. But hey ho. I guess we’ll see what happens on Monday.

I wonder if I’ll get my very own desk? Exciting! And I suppose at least I won’t have to feel bad every time I see the two colleagues I’ve gazumped, who will now be in the less shiny world of lettings. The Christmas party might involve less getting drunk before lunch on champagne though, which is a shame as I was rather looking forward to that.

But anyway, onto the dream house. I’ve not posted any property porn for a while. But this one is worth the wait. It’s just a shame it’s not actually on the market any more as it’s



Not that it took a lot of selling.

Applicant: Id like to make an offer.

Me: Are you sure wouldn’t like a second viewing?

Applicant: No. Sometimes you just walk into a place and you just know.

When I got to meet up with him and the vendors at the property last week I could see what he meant.

Absolutely one of the most gorgeous homes ever! It makes me sad that I don’t live here. Some houses have a vibe about them and this one just screams ‘WOW!’

There’s the pretty drive up to the electric gates (arriving home would feel even sweeter than ever!).


In the house, light floods through the windows and skylights and highlights the Farrow & Ball palette. It’s all been done with no expense spared with quality written all over it: exposed beams, limestone kitchen floors, reclaimed oak in the living room, log-burning stove, ¬£10,000 silk curtains!!!


Then there’s the history of it being a 600-year manor house (or at least what’s left after a fire 200 years ago).

And the absolutely most gorgeous kitchen ever!!!


(I swear, I could’ve cried at the sheer beauty of it!)


It has absolutely everything you could need in a home… including gym in the 2-storey garage…


…Which might be no bad thing for burning off a beer-belly as the local pub is actually attached to the property (very discretely, but with secret access too, which is beyond cool!).What could better than shouting your order over the wall, taking the secret shortcut and then having your drinks lined up at the bar? And you wouldn’t have any distance to stagger home after either!

It’s just glorious, inside…


…and out.


It helps too the vendors are just the loveliest, warmest people ever. And thankfully so are the purchasers.

Unfortunately I failed to marry a millionaire, so I shall never be able to call it home as they will. But as my first sale it will always have a place in my heart. And maybe I could use my commission to get myself some similar cushions. Although I’m going to have to sell an awful lot more homes before I can have that kitchen!


Dream Homes #4: Georgian Charms

A quiet day in the office today. Unless you count the accordion-playing, Morris dancing clowns that pranced by, just as a colleague was heading back from a viewing:

‘Oh my God! Make the clowns STOP! Why do they have to get all up in your face like that?! Eugh!’

Oh, the joys of the local festival. Apparently it’s one of Europe’s largest non-ticketed free festivals. Sometimes you’d rather pay if it stopped the clowns and the Morris dancing.

Perhaps it was the dancing clowns that deterred people from venturing our way. Or maybe they’d been sidetracked by the storm trooper playing with bubbles outside the toy shop.

To be honest, I’m not convinced they’re regulation storm trooper shoes. Maybe that’s why he’s armed only with a bubble gun rather than a light sabre.

Still, the lull meant that I had more time to peruse the latest properties added to our books. The choice this week hasn’t been easy. But I am a sucker for a house with history, so my choice this time is:

Leverington House


From the outside its definitely not your run-of-the-mill shoebox. You could easily float around the garden as Lady of the Manor. Ok, it’s only got 4 bedrooms, but if the budget doesn’t extend to staff who wants a plethora of rooms to dust?


Besides, if first impressions count, the Georgians certainly knew how to make a good first impression. As entrance halls goes this is none too shabby (helped both by fabulous dimensions and plenty of behind-the-scenes storage):


Mind you, it’s not as though the gorgeousness stops at the door. Light pours into the property through the most amazing windows:


But the property had all the warmth you could want of a family home too. The sort of kitchen that begs to be congregated in…

Pale blue kitchens do seem to be THE colour for up-market Norfolk property.


…a cosy snug for those nights curled up on the sofa…


…and beautiful, airy bedrooms, perfect for Sunday breakfast in bed, surrounded by the Sunday papers.


The garden would be ideal to set the children loose in, with more than enough room to accommodate a trampoline and maybe a playhouse to match the summer house?


…and plenty of space for garden games.


Come time for Hide and Seek, mind you, you would a most guarantee I could be found on the patio (wine glass in hand).


And with it’s rural setting you wouldn’t be disturbed by the raucous of the festival carrying across town on the wind. Which, right now, would definitely be a blessing. I can’t say I’m too familiar with Aswad’s back catalogue, but by the end of the night in pretty sure I will be.

Dream Home #1: If I Lived Alone

God, I love my job! Lovely people, really friendly clients and books chock full of amazing properties. I am easily won over by a character property (which is just as well as my own house wouldn’t know a right angle if a set square were to introduce itself) and I could picture myself in just about any property on our books.

And so I introduce to you my very own Property of the Fortnight. I’ll have you wanting to live in Norfolk by the end of the year.

Hampton Court


Living in a house teaming with people and their stuff and stuff inherited from people now dead so attached with feelings of guilt if chucked out and then more stuff for good measure, I have a dream of living alone. Obviously not until Boo and Noodles are all grown up and have gone off to university or whatever makes grown-up kids move out. Husband is more of a contentious issue. I could probably cope quite well without him and would relish being master of both the remote and the duvet. He wants to retire to France anyway. My French is rubbish and I’d just get fat(ter) on all the croissants and baguettes, so maybe it would be best if we split up amicably/stayed married but lived in different countries (is that a thing people do? It should be!) and I could just go and visit when I wanted a tan.

And so, into dotage, I would like to live here:


Just look at all that white. With plenty of sticky fingers around the house at the moment it’s not a look I could get away with right now, but I would love to. It’d be a cinch to clean and could look so feminine and full of vintage finds without anything nice instantly being broken by the unappreciative, clumsies of my family. And as it’s small and cute obviously I would have to visit them rather than them coming to me for things like Christmas (meaning that I could sit in front of the telly with a selection box rather than doing the cooking – see, I’ve thought it through).

Not big enough for family events, but perfect just for me.


Oh, to have sole use of the roll-top bath. No plastic toys here.


But then I wouldn’t have to worry about being lonely either. There’s a communal secret garden – ok, no nude sunbathing, but that’s not my thing anyway – perfect for catching up with the neighbours.


And it’s right close to where all the town’s best restaurants are situated.

I’d just have to hope the polar ice caps don’t melt as it’s right on the quay. Although, to be fair, if that happens all of us in Norfolk are literally sunk.

Oh my God, never before have I looked forward to zipping through the next 16 years. Definitely a dream home. I’m sold.